i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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