You're so nebulous sometimes
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
