we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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