dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
