I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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