If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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