I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
lets start a swedish sibling band together
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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