Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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