Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
