I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
