were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
