You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
