Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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