So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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