Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
