Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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