So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
