I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Can I color on your dick again?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
