Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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