People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
