I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
