i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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