gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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