Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We got so high we made milksteak
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
