I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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