Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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