OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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