Jerry, you need to find god
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
