Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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