I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
