dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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