Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
