he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
