he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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