Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
