k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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