I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
