i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
