Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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