Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
