I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
