Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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