bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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