I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
