I wish I could punch you in the face.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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