I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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