if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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