She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
