my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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