Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
