sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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