I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
