I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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