Cold hands, warm shart.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
