Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
