I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
