does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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