I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
